Chris

Monday, September 13, 2004

Future~

I PASS! I PASS my Automated Machine Design Module. Thought I gonna fail or just barely scrapped through this module. Bwhahaha...I got 64 marks for it. Unbelieveable. Must be some kind of divine intervention happening. Thanks God for it. Anyway I got 98 marks for Machine Mechanism Design and Analysis. Hah, nothing to much to rejoice about. Actually can score full marks but due to some stupid unit mistake, I lost 2 marks Grrrrrr.

I don't seems to have any thing in particular that I wanna blog about. Bring on the sparks and the glitters into my life, man. I am terribly in need of those! My daily standardize routines are a real bore. Although things that happens between the routines are different. Today I was on the train to school. Not listening to my discman as usual. How time flies, just like the images that flashes pass you as you take the train. It's so surreal. I mean, I am already 21. Seems like I just took my O'Levels or something. I gotta sit down and do some serious thinking about my future. I'm not the small Chris anymore. Can't act so childish or keep having crushes on someone anymore. I gotta chart my own courses, where I want to be when I am 30. Seriously, I also gotta stick to someone I love regardless of the outcome. I tends to think, come on, there are tons of gals out there, why stick to a gal that wouldn't love you. That's some teenage thinking I guess. What I want to be when I get my ass out of NYP is another thing. I wouldn't be satisfied with some office jobs. I want to do be doing something that I enjoy.

If it's meant to be, it really will be. Girls are always scared that someone better will come along even though deep down there can't be anyone better. Like...there can't be anyone who could offer her as much as I do(Ok this is an overstatement from me). But you just have to trust her. And that she'll makes the right decision and won't let any other emotions block her vision. Or rather her heart. The gal I like now, calling it a simple schoolboy crush is just like saying a Ferrari is a vehicle with four wheels, something like a hay wagon. I did not blush or giggle(why the hell should I giggle anyway, I ain't a gal loz!) when I saw her, nor did I chalk her name on tree or write it on the walls of the kissing bridge. I simply lived with her face in my heart. In the world of comparsion and conformity, I have to make my own statement. Honor my own truth. Have the courage to be myself, risk speaking your own thoughts and claming your emotions. Share my vulnerabilities, tears(hardly will have), doubts, and insercurities, let other experience the real me. Have the courage to be my myself and realize that I am a wonderful person. Gal, I know we get gotten to know each other only recently. You told me to affirm my feelings for you are not those like a brother treating a sister. I ain't gonna rush things. Got got plenty of time to know each other more rite? But at the end of the day, I hope to be the guy that you point to and say "That's him". Cheers~

Plans are useless unless the means are carried out to reach the end. So, work on it, Chris!

Posted at 11:30 pm by Fate And Destiny
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Down the memory lane again...

I dunno what I am doing at this time of the night without sleeping. It's already going to be 2.30am and here I am, still blogging away. I'm still quite awake now, still feeling veri engergised. Just recalling the days when I was in the national squad. I realise that the me and the me now has change drastically. Well firstly is the standard in my taekwondo skills. Comparing to last time, I am far far away from what I was formerly. Well it's partly due to the liagament injury I got on my left leg. Secondly, is my character. I got an attitude problem last time. Well not going into details but I guess alot of people in my fomer club dun like me. Jus now I was staring at the IVP bronze medal I won this year, I was like, if it was in the past, I would't have kept the medal. Bronze = failure to me. Come to think of it, I was lucky to get a bronze in the IVP anyway. Seems like there won't be any addition to my gold medal collection any more. Not with my standard at the moment. 3 golds, 2 slivers, 2 bronzes doesn't seem so bad when you look back at your achievements. Guess I should be content with it. Taekwondo been part of me for as long as I can remember. I ain't going to give it up any moment soon. I still got alot to offer to the club now.

Toking about the past, only 2 of my frenz from sec sch are in contact with me now. Did I went through a drastic change or what? My pri and sec school friends dun recognise me when I walk pass them on the streets. Well, I dun blame those from primary school since it's been for God know how long I meet up with them.

And about my love life, I guess I am in love with her now. She's one those a few gals that I could really click and being comfortable with. Most of the gals l liked in the past wouldn't give a damn about me. Who cares anyway now. I guess most of them are just a passing facade. Life is too short for me to hang on to the past and it is time for me to let go and cherish my present. Only when I cherish my present will I have the future that I have always dream of. As for love, I shall learn how to take it slowly.

Guess I must really be sleeping now. It already going to be 3 in the morning. A whole brand new week is waiting for me. Ciao~

Posted at 02:45 am by Fate And Destiny
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Sunday, September 12, 2004

I am blogging....

Today is sunday...and I have nothing to do. Actually there are things to do if you really look for it just like what Marcus said. Clean windows, clean up your room, wash toilet etc. Anyway I woke up real late today, at around 1030 I think. It's been along since I went to catch a movie. Can't remember when was the last time anyway. Guess it's veri veri long way back. So many movies waiting to be watched, dunno why I just can't seems to get my butt down to the cinema. Either I can't get anyone to accompany me or I am just plain lazy to make my way down to the cinema. I must watch Garfield this time round, by hook or by crook, must catch this movie. Can't seems to get anyone to go with me. I am walking human magnet that have the polarity with everyone. Yeah, different poles attract and the same polarity repels. Guess, all of them are getting repeled. For what reasons, only God knows. Guess have to watch this catty movie alone. Anyway it's not like I'm not used to watching movies alone. That's what I do last time. Have to carry on the tradition.

Anyway, I spend the early afternoon doing some drawings again. This time I did the drawing from a different perspective. Look quite different from my past drawings where I would draw the whole body of a person concentrating on the dress and positions. Have to try something different once in awhile or else my drawings skill would become stagnant. Shading can do wonders, turn my dead drawing into something lively.

I wonder if I'm making things to obvious too her but I just dun say it out. She must must be wondering is this idiot fool trying to tell me something? She either is playing dumb or she really dun get the message. Anyway it's too soon to tell her. Either way, I seems to be on the losing end. Grrr...

Posted at 11:14 pm by Fate And Destiny
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Twinkling Stars

As the stars twinkle in the sky
My body become weary and dreary
I lay down with a long sigh,
Knowing your not here beside me

Like the stars in the sky
You're a light year away from me
But deep in my mind,
You're a kiss away from me

I knew I'd love you,
At the first time we meet
Now I think about you
Everytime I sleep

I wanted to tell you "I love you"
But there are guys who do too
What can I do to show you?
How much my love is for you

The words that I've said
Is meaningless to you
Now I would like to ask
Do you...Love me too?

Posted at 05:15 pm by Fate And Destiny
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Saturday, September 11, 2004

^_^

Ok I am feeling better now. But not as well as I want to be.

I can only say this much and do this little because the rest is up to you to open up..you have set a limit for me to reach you and I will hit it and I'm more than willing to go beyond it.. Are you willing to grant me the unlimited access into you?

Posted at 10:32 pm by Fate And Destiny
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Chris you stupid idiot, will you wake up please?

I am feeling quite moody now becos of something. Dun wish to say it out here what it is. Just after reading something, I suddenly feel confused. For the past few days I am quite happy even with all those common tests going on. Today I am feeling just the opposite after reading something. I mean, it's not about me feeling sensitive and "thinking too much". Of course, I wish that's true. Sadly, I doubt that's the case. I mean what's wrong with me? I rarely get this upset over something since Eun Hye left me. ARRRGGGGGG! Maybe I should pretend as if nothing happen and act normal. That ain't going to change anything. I should just face the harsh reality and accept what ever the outcome maybe. I am going into depression again.

I have no idea what I am trying to do now. Probably next week most of you will see a dead zombie walking around in school and training unless something happen to change it. And don't bother to ask me about it also cos I won't bother explaining or bringing it up.

Posted at 09:20 pm by Fate And Destiny
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Ni Ai Wo Ma?

Yesterday test was a big diaster. I dunno can get a B or an A or not. Just pass this paper I will be a happy Chris. Turn out to be abit difficult. Anyway I am glad that my common tests are over. Finally can relax abit. Dun have to worry so much at nite already. Just left with a project to do and some lab assignments. Finally next week, normal lessons are going to resume. Going to school is better than staying at home.

Later going to meet up with Med. I going to pass her my drawing. Geez, she accompany me until my TKD training started. We went to have dinner together. Actually it's me eating only. She just watched me eat. Anyway, went up for my training at around 6.40 p.m. Today didn't did much techniques and physical training cos the grading is coming soon. I was in charge of the black tips (those going for their black exam). Just two of them. So didn't have much trouble. Did I mention that we found a place for training camp. It's seems quite nice from the pictures. I still have to do some recon mission on the place myself just to make sure.

Went straight home after training. Took a bath and chatted with Med Baby for awhile. Ok not awhile la, chatted for about 2 hours bah. After she went to sleep, I went to watch Samurai Deeper Kyo, watch until half way, fall asleep on the sofa. Woke up in the morning on my bed. Dunno how the hell I end up on my bed. Maybe I was sleep walking whaha.

Posted at 11:52 am by Fate And Destiny
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Thursday, September 09, 2004

Two more paper to go

Just finished taking my Machine And Mechnisms Analysis paper today. The module sounds great but it's actually really advance physics. Really boring module. Dun like it. So many calculations. I was expecting this paper to be the hardest, turns out the paper was damn easy. Yeah, spent the whole damn nite without sleeping studying for it, turns out to be this easy. Grrrr....I am expecting at least a B for this paper. Nothing less.

Yesterday didn't do much. Practically chatting with Med the whole day. We just got tons of things to say. Haha, I hope we stay this way or become even closer. Promise to draw a picture for her. Actually I was planning to draw her but then, I found that my skills is not tat good...lolz. In the end just drew a manga drawing for her. Next tuesday den can pass it to her since she got nite classes on friday, so no training for her. Sometimes I am quite fortunate. I found some good friends in the TKD Club. From sitting at a corner alone to becoming the club cpatain. Thanks God all these.

Still have to study for tml test. All theory...tat means more memorising. Another sleepless nite I think. I will be half dead by the time training starts tml.

Blog at nite again. Time to take a nap. Ciao~

Posted at 02:47 pm by Fate And Destiny
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